Lost For Grief
by Lady1Venus
Summary: POV of Legolas. While resting in Lothlorien, Legolas reflects his feelings over the loss of Gandalf. First time writing LotR


**Lost For Grief**

_Summary: While resting at Lothlorien, Legolas reflects his feelings over the loss of Gandalf.  
  
_As I rest from our journey through Moria, I can't help but feel lost. A long time friend was lost to us, the Fellowship of the Ring. We lost him back on the bridge of Khazad-dum. It is the first time I've ever seen death and grief. I've live almost 3,000 years and in that time I've never witnessed death. Where Elves do not die, because we are immortal, we never had a need to worry about death.

The last time Elves ever needed to grieve throughout the Elven kingdoms, was back when the ring was forged. Elves and men fought side by side to defeat Sauron. He was defeated but the greed of men kept the ring alive. The ring has resurfaced and we're, trying to work our way to Mordor where the ring was created to destroy it.

I look around and see the Hobbits. They must be taking this harder than anyone. From what I've learned from Lord Elrond, Gandalf was a close personal friend to them. Close to a hundred years ago, he befriended a Hobbit named Bilbo Baggins an uncle to Frodo, the ring bearer, and became known as the disturber of peace in their land, the shire.

Many Elves have had the pleasure of becoming real close to the wizard but I haven't. When I was young, I remember my mother telling me stories about the wizard and his many talents of fun. The first time I ever met him was back one day when my father had requested me to travel to Rivendell as a messenger for Lord Elrond. That was of course was a hundred years ago before Bilbo met him. The wizard never visited Mirkwood so I only saw him when I was in Rivendell.

Until this point, I never understood grief. I've seen many mortals grieve over loved ones from a battle or illness or even unknown causes of death. Many mortals just keel over and die and it always confused me.

I had always wondered what grief felt like and now I'm experiencing it. It's when your heart feels like it's breaking in two and you feel lost and lonely. Your body feels like dying and you don't want to return. Tears stream down your face uncontrollably and they won't stop. Memories keep surfacing from the depths of your mind of things you did with that one person.

When you loose someone you feel like there were things that were never said and now regret never speaking them out. You feel like your life has crumbled. You seem lost and confused on what to do next. Almost like you're lost in the woods and don't know your way out. Not knowing which was is East or West. Or perhaps lost in a darkened cave with no end in sight. You keep on going, hoping to find the end where the sun will shine through but there is no end to the endless cave.

I may not know exactly how it feels to have all those feelings but I now understand. I may not have known Gandalf as long as the Hobbits but I have gotten to know him enough to know that I've lost a friend. Times like this I am glad that I'm immortal. I feel though, Gandalf's death is not the last I will see before this journey is over. I fear a war may brew before getting to Mordor.

In the distance, an Elvish song is heard in memory of Gandalf.

"A lament for Gandalf," I say.

"What do they say about him?" Merry askes me.

"I have not the heart to tell you." I turn to look at the Hobbit. "For me, the grief is still too near." I turn back and start to walk away, all the while hearing the Hobbits talk about his fireworks.

Sam stands and starts to speak of the fireworks in his memory. As he speaks, I look over at Aragorn and beside him Gimli sleeps. Aragorn looks over at him and slaps in the arm to wake him.

I feel Aragorn must feel that it's important for everyone to hear what the Hobbit has to say about our lost friend.

Sam gives up speaking about the fireworks as he thinks it doesn't help. I look back at him and I can see tears form in his eyes once again. I turn back and walk away allowing the small ones to grieve in peace. I walk away from everyone but I'm not alone. Though I keep my eyes fixed on where I'm going, I take note of whose following me. I stop at a nice look out and wait for him to come up and stand beside me.

"I never realized how grief can affect someone," I say in my native tongue. I glance to my side as he also looks out over the beautiful view of the kingdom.

"Grief has its way of creeping up on people when they are not looking," he replies back in the same manner.

"In all my years I've never seen grief until this moment and it disturbs me," I speak in his native tongue.

"Legolas, there is much you don't know on how people react," Aragorn says. "I know I have seen much death and sorrow. And each time I see it, it always hurts."

"Can grief ever be lifted?"

"Depends. You know yourself many of your people have died from grief. Man can die of grief as well as old age and illness. I don't think grief is ever lifted but many do live on and continue on with the memory of the lost."

"Haldir was quite hasty in saying we were to go no further," I say, changing the subject for the moment.

"You know yourself how impatient he is towards man and Dwarves. Luckily I was able to convince him that it was best to rest here before continuing on. We have the time to rest and allow the Hobbits to grieve."

"You never did say how you came across them."

"I met them in Bree. I watched as Frodo fell and the ring slid on to his finger and he disappeared. I knew then, everyone in Bree was in danger."

"If it weren't for Lord Elrond, he would have died from that wound, which he will carry the scare for the rest of his mortal life."

"Luckily, Arwen found us when she did and raced to Rivendell to save him. We almost did lose him."

"If my father had known that the ring of power had resurfaced, he wouldn't have sent me to as a representative of our race."

"Yes but at least you are away from him trying to tell you to settle down and give yourself an heir."

I look at my long time friend as I remember my father, everyday asking me why I hadn't found a suitable Elven maiden to marry and start a family. Though I know more battles are a head of me with the Orcs and other menace that will pop up, I am relieved to know that I won't hear his nagging.

Aragorn places a hand on my shoulder then turns away to walk back to the group. I can see that he shows a look of sadness.

Before he's too far I speak in Elvish again. "You love her don't you?"

He looks back at me. "Yes," he says in Elvish. "She is the sunshine to a cloudy day. One day you will know what it's like to be in love no matter if she's mortal or Elf. Don't let anyone tell you who to be with and who not to."

"She would give her life for you?"

I watch Aragorn nod. "She would happily live a mortal life to be with me, though she would live forever, unless die in battle." He turned away as he said in his language. "Get some rest."

I shack my head as I try to understand how an Elf would continue to live in this life forever more. Of course I have no say in the matter. I turn back around to watch the view longer, allowing my heart to let out all the grief possible before day break when we would leave the safety of the trees to continue on our journey to Mordor by water.

I sit down on a tree limb, allowing my body to go limp and relax. I feel my muscles ache as I relax. As my body relaxes, I begin to meditate. It was more or less my way of resting as Elves to do not need sleep. I will meditate until my body feels the morning sun creep through the trees.  
  
_  
  
I hope it wasn't too sappy or too boring. This story is dedicated to a lost relative, my grandfather, who died from a sudden illness back in June/03. Just 12 hours earlier, I had seen him and then the next morning he was gone._


End file.
